Being Elisabeth Elliot (Book Review)

Ellen Vaugn’s biography, Being Elisabeth Elliot, has touched a nerve with a lot of people and rightly so. Anyone who might envy Elisabeth Elliot’s influence and career as a writer, would certainly not envy her personal life and the trials she endured in the second half of her life. The book covers Elisabeth’s 40’s until her death, and many readers aren’t sure what to make of the information it discloses. There are conflicting views.

Here are the issues that I see: Are we disappointed (and frankly, just unwilling to accept) that a great Christian leader had her own struggles with sin? And If we do accept it as true, does that make her a hypocrite? Is one able to encourage and teach other women to Do the Next Thing while she herself is at times falling apart? Does it make her a chameleon if she teaches others to deny themselves and live not by their emotions, and yet inwardly she sometimes falls prey to loneliness and that is reflected in the relationships she has with men?

Or

Was the book an attempt by a feminist biographer to subtly “cancel” Elisabeth Elliot? I reached out to Valerie Elliot Shepherd weeks ago and asked her thoughts but did not get a reply.

At best I felt the book was not complimentary and I don’t understand why the journal excerpts were chosen as they were. After all, a life is made up of many ups and downs. I would be in the camp that believes some of these secret thoughts should have been omitted.

Those who only knew Elliot as the wife of missionary martyr Jim Elliot, not as the author and speaker of the 80’s, 90’s, early 2000’s, or the host of the radio ministry Gateway to Joy that impacted thousands of women, might be surprised by the book but not floored like others of us. One friend said it left her with a poor impression of Elisabeth Elliot and so she had no desire to read her beautiful books. And so, if you’re reading this and wondering what the big deal is, here is a bit of history:

Back in 1976 Elisabeth Elliot punched the feminist movement in the face when she wrote Let Me Be a Woman. She emboldened a generation of Christian women to joyfully live in submission to their husbands as unto the Lord, and she taught us that women who have the courage to submit to imperfect husbands are not weak but are actually exhibiting great strength from the Lord. She told us it is dying to self that will produce fruit, once we obey the scriptures in this sometimes difficult area.

Was biographer Ellen Vaughn attempting with this book to pull down her teachings and the “purity culture” that some say Elisabeth Elliot fueled with her books Let Me Be a Woman and Passion and Purity? Was she exposing Elliot’s marital trials in order to imply, “This is what can happen to you if you submit to a man” ?

Perhaps it’s a little of both. Maybe the author did have an agenda in what she chose from the journals of Elisabeth Elliot. And maybe it’s also true, that anytime someone disappoints us, we are ready to write them off when the truth is we all sin in various ways and need the mercy and forgiveness of God in Christ, including people we greatly admire.

I think very few of us would feel comfortable with our most secret thoughts being broadcast for all to see. And human experience should teach us that it is one thing to know the will of God and another matter to practice it, especially in our secret heart. It’s also true that human beings are notorious for putting others on pedestals they never asked to be placed upon, and herein lies our disappointment. If I lose respect or love Elisabeth Elliot less after knowing her better, does the problem lie with her sin, or is it a result of the pedestal I had sat her on? We can realize this and learn from it, without condoning the sins of others we admire or relegating them to the hypocrite department.

Lastly, I did not think Ellen Vaughn did justice to Elliot’s achievements as an author or speaker. I gave the book 3 stars on Goodreads for this reason. I also felt that the final chapter of the book was choppy, stuffing the last 30 years of her life into one chapter, saying it was spent with a husband ten years younger than her, who had no job, who mistreated her and exploited her for her fame. Oh and he burned all her most recent journals so – …THE END. Huh?? It’s almost as if the author just got tired of writing. Speaking of which…

I’ve said enough. With motives of the author being in question, it makes it difficult to know how to receive this book. Crossway has published another biography of Elisabeth Elliot you can look at, and I haven’t read it but my daughter says it does contain many of the same facts, but she felt it was done in a more respectful manner.

This book will stir your heart. I’m thankful that Elisabeth is now Home, where she would say her life was all but momentary and light afflictions, not to be compared with the eternal weight of glory that was prepared for her. I remain grateful for the truths she brilliantly and eloquently spoke to women like me, however imperfectly she (and all of us) may apply them at times.

“Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God’s story never ends with ashes.”

Elisabeth Elliot

Work and the Doorway to the Heart

All of my boys have been greatly blessed this summer with jobs to do for neighbors. Shiloh is 13 and even he has found work to earn n’ learn, stay busy and be productive. It can be challenging to find enough work for boys this age to do. We haven’t been this blessed every summer. Unlike God, a parent’s energy and resources have limits. Yet he still desires us to put all that we have into our work. (Col. 3:23)

This morning I went and inspected the weeding of the flower beds of some vacationing friends that Shiloh has been working for. He’s been extremely thorough, hasn’t cut corners, and has done all they asked. In fact, he’s done more than they asked. “Mom, I went ahead and got rid of their overripe vegetables too.”

Like God does, we often can and should add an abundance of care to the work we do for others.  We can actually give more than what they ask for or deserve.

People with full and abundant hearts can give the way Jesus commands:

“give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38

People with empty hearts give only what’s required, and grudgingly. They even cheat one another by doing less than what’s agreed upon. Then, cheated people cheat others and mistrust grows.

We should train ourselves to put abundance into what we do, not being satisfied with the bare minimum of work. I’m applying this to myself too, in my own duties and sphere God has assigned me. When it’s time to work we should put our whole heart into it. Generously and abundantly.

I want to intentionally teach my kids that work is not simply a necessary evil required to gain money for a toy. It can be actually pleasurable to work, disregarding the hardship. I want to teach my boys especially to have a biblical perspective of work and they will learn it first from me, the one who they observe and speak with the most. I want them to have a habit of persevering effort because it is a useful and scriptural quality to have ingrained for the journey of life and what God has ordained for them later on. It will help them grow in many other areas too, if they learn early on to overcome the selfish nature in this area of their life.

“Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings, he will not stand before obscure men.” Prov. 22:29

Useful resources on this topic:

Teach Them to Work, Mary Beeke

Created for Work, Bob Schultz

Boyhood and Beyond, Bob Schultz

Raising Real Men, Hal and Melanie Young

How Mothers Receive Continuous Reminders of God’s Care

All of us are prone to look for shortcuts when it comes to sanctification (growing in Christlikeness). One of the beautiful things about Christian motherhood is the necessary hard work, self-discipline and faithfulness that’s required if your desire is to raise more Christians. And even then, it is not purely a function of our own will, but it’s the work of the Holy Spirit within us. There is nothing about sanctification that happens overnight. It takes time and patience for us to grow.

In his kindness God uses many means and inlets to our hearts to bring about the growth of his children. For example, we can sometimes feel overwhelmed with the requests of our children and grow weary of their needs that seem constant. Yesterday I was thinking about all the times during the day that I get requests for this or that: Teens asking to drive someplace or use the tablet, middle sized kids asking if they can bake or begin another project, littles asking for snacks, and so forth.

Yesterday I was in the restroom when my three-year-old yelled through the door,

“Mama, what are you doing in the bathroom?”

I replied that I was, in fact, using the bathroom.

Never pausing she says, “Did you want to make me some chocolate milk?”

I replied that I would make her some chocolate milk when I came out.

Instead of hearing her little feet walk away, there was silence and I could hear her breathing. Finally she said, “You think it be in three minutes?”

🙂 🙂 🙂

It can be easy to become annoyed and weighed down, even resentful, of the many requests of our children that at times seem to never end. But God welcomes this sort of openness and simplicity from his own children, and we have lessons to learn here.

1.) Our needs never overwhelm him.

Just like my little chocolate milk lover, we don’t have to choose the best words or deliberate on the best time to ask or think of how to make a good impression before we lay it out before him. We can go to him with all our needs, no matter how small, at any time without concern that we aren’t his current priority.

2.) We too are needy. Acknowledging our helplessness before the Lord, that we have nothing and can do nothing apart from him, is evidence of his work in us. Sisters, we are never more out of control than when we think we are in control.  To be aware that you are dependent on God is the result of his mercy to you.

Why then do we hold back in prayer? Could it be that we need reminding again that God is not like men? That his ways are mysterious and far above ours and yet he has condescended to make himself known to us? Do we need reminding again that he is “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,”? (Exodus 34:6) Do we need reminding again that Christ is interceding for us in our prayers so that when we approach a magnificent and holy God, we can come confidently and without fear even though we are exceedingly sinful? (Heb. 4:16)

Yes, we do.  Getting reminded is often spoken of in the scriptures because our minds drift so easily. And motherhood gives us ongoing reminders if we have eyes to see them.

When our children come to us with many requests it shows that they feel confident of our love.  Even if some requests are unreasonable or silly or self-centered to us who are more mature, it is a sign of their trust in us and the belief that they are loved when needy. Secure children do not seek to make a good impression on us or think about their phrasing. They just speak in honesty and forthrightness, crying out day or night to the one they know who loves them, faithfully meets their needs, who picks them up when they fall, the mama who knows them at their very worst and yet loves them still. Sisters, let us be reminded by our children of this level of trust and simple belief in the love of God.

And when we are overwhelmed by requests may we respond in the kindness and love of God, striving to be a reflection of his character, even as we pray for grace in the struggle when we’re face to face with just how unlike him we are. Mothers can’t always speak patiently and perfectly in love, but Christ has been perfect already on our behalf.  If you are in Christ, his perfect righteousness has been imputed to you and you can rest while you work. (Read: Motherhood and the Implications of the Work Christ Has Finished)

“And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, ‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'” Matthew 18:2-4

Pregnancy Is a Chisel

No pregnancy is easy even on the easiest day. Being pregnant for over nine years taught me this (11 children x 10 months = 9 years). I did enjoy pregnancy and I miss it sometimes even though I am happily content. But there were some terribly hard, painfully growing moments during all those pregnancies. It has left me, I pray, with more compassion for women in this very beautiful season of growing another human being made in the image of God.

Now I sit and listen to my daughters and younger women of the church speak of the same. Pregnancy has a chiseling effect on women, as any change of life or health variation does. It can shape us further into the image of Jesus or it can make us bitter, and make life hard for those who have to live with us.  Some of the most humble and compassionate Christians I know are ones who have walked through physical trials, including multiple or seriously difficult pregnancies, choosing to trust in the Lord for each bodily affliction that pregnancy brings. They emerged with lessons painfully learned and applied.

Pregnancy is a privilege. Breathtakingly, we are participating in bringing eternal creatures who bear the image of God, into being. It is an unmatched and unrivaled honor and miracle. Bearing life is what God has called a great reward. So pregnancy is not a trial in the same way that other trials are. But growing and nurturing another person with your own body does involve great toil, for some more than others. It can be a time of many temptations for some women.

“Our wants and our real needs are not always the same. We want pleasure, plenty, and prosperity–but perhaps we need pain, self-denial, the giving up of things that we greatly prize. We shrink from suffering, from sacrifice, from struggle—perhaps these are the very experiences which will do the most for us, which will bring out in us the best possibilities of our natures, which will fit us for the largest service to God and man.” –J.R. Miller

Pregnancy can be the catalyst of our temptation to doubt God’s goodness.  I mean, if we are expecting a reward why does it have to be so hard?  So expensive?  So physically difficult? Why must I struggle with body image? What if this, or that, happens during delivery? What if I die in delivery?

Faith means caring more about what we can’t see than what we can. It is so easy to coast along in our own strength until we are brought face to face with our weakness.  Anything that causes us to cast ourselves more fully on the Lord is good. Oh, how strong we think ourselves to be! How in control! Yet because we are his children, he will gently show us our need of him.

We are not strong.

We are not in control.

We are helpless and dependent.

Pregnancy reminds us. It can be the chisel in God’s hand to form into us a heart of humility and thankfulness and trust, even and especially, when pregnancy is difficult. As another author put it so well: The armor of God comes in maternity sizes.

God, help us put on our maternity armor. Make us steadfast in our faith, whatever season of womanhood we are walking through.

Books Read in 2022

It can be challenging to find the time to read books, no matter who you are. We all have the same number of hours in the day but unlike in times past, phones never stop competing for our attention. Thus, it is my phone that interrupts and eats up the 10-15 minutes here and there that could be spent reading a few pages, not my kids.

As for the books I read this year, some were not worth mentioning. I sort of drifted off into some whim reading and finished a couple of books that were a waste of time. I’m listing here the ones worth reading.

Also, I no longer feel the pressure to finish a book if I feel I have gotten the main idea. Sometimes authors repeat themselves. Sometimes bloggers write books that are compilations of what they have said on social media already. Sometimes I am giving a book a re-read and will skim whole chapters if they are already easily recalled.

Some of these books are very short. Throwing in a mixture of short books encourages me to keep up the habit.

I’m also listing the books I read aloud to my kids in 2022. I will indicate the ages of the listeners after the titles. Unapologetically, I am not taking the time to link all of these. I’m attempting to blog what is enjoyable so that I am more likely to stick with it, and spending time linking is not enjoyable. Ha!

Christian Growth

This World Is Not My Home: Reflections for Pilgrims on the Way by Mark Johnston

How to Eat Your Bible by Nate Pickowitz

Purposeful and Persistent Parenting by John Raquet (this is my new favorite Christian parenting resource, especially if you have kids under age ten.)

Knowing Sin by Mark Jones (this was my favorite book of the year)

Becoming Elisabeth Elliot by Helen Vaughn

Getting Back in the Race: The Cure for Backsliding by Joel Beeke

Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Don Whitney (Re-read. This is my third or fourth time through.)

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

High Calling of Motherhood by Walter J. Chantry

What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter by Voddie Baucham (re-read)

How Should We Develop Biblical Friendship by Michael Haykin

The Hospitality Commands by Alexander Strauch (re-read)

The Lifegiving Home by Sally Clarkson

How Should I Exercise Hospitality by Rebecca van Doodewaard

Humble Mom: Putting on the Mind of Christ in Motherhood by Anne Sokol

The Prayer of Jabez by Charles Spurgeon

Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle (re-read)

Teach Them to Work: Building a Work Ethic in Children by Mary Beeke

Family Discipleship Reads of 2022

Little Pilgrim’s Big Journey by Tyler Van Halteren

The Gospel Made Clear to Children by Jennifer Adams (Outstanding book. Our church bought several copies to pass around to families to read and share)

Little Pilgrim’s Big Journey Part 2 by Tyler Van Halteren

Read-Alouds

Father and I Were Ranchers by Ralph Moody (I’m resisting the urge to review all these books but let me just say that if you are like me and have had the Little Britches series on your shelf for years without reading them, you should not delay any longer! Be sure to read aloud to skip some mild language and/or keep a marker handy to cross out the d-word.) *I read this to ages 6-16.

Man of the Family by Ralph Moody (See above. This one has strong undertones of the mother-son relationship, just as the first one did of father and son. Loved this book,)

Treasures of the Snow by Patricia St John *I read this to kids ages 6-12

Down the Long Hills by Louis Lamour *I read to ages 6-16 (younger kids may be disturbed at the opening scene of am Indian massacre on a wagon train. Also need a marker for mild language in this one.)

Children of the Dust Bowl: The True Story of the School at Weedpatch Camp by Jerry Stanley *I read this to ages 6-16. We read this to supplement our Depression Era history lessons in Mystery of History.

Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery *read to ages 6-10

Remember the Alamo by Robert Penn Warren *read to ages 6-16

The Light at Tern Rock by Julia Sauer *read to ages 6-10

Rocks Rivers and the Changing Earth by Herman Schneider *read to ages 6-12

Bonus: Current Reads

This year I want to strive to keep at least one fiction book going all the time. I can’t remember who originally gave this advice, but I want to keep different levels of books going so that there is always something to pick up and read no matter how alert you feel or if it’s possible you could doze off while reading. Here is what I currently have going:

Dr. Horner’s Bible Reading Plan (this is how I read my Bible and have for years. It is not really a one year plan, per se. It’s simply ongoing.)

A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliot

When I Don’t Desire God by John Piper

Death on the Nile by Agatha Christie

Staying in Love for a Lifetime by Ed Wheat

Every Moment Holy by Douglas Kaine and Ned Bustard

Happy Reading! May the Lord bless you as you keep the Word priority and continue to grow in knowledge and wisdom from other sources he richly provides.

Teaching Self-Control to Little Boys

Some of my favorite memories and family photos are of my sons wrestling and roughhousing with their Daddy.  And when he comes home from work, usually one of them has tackled him before he gets his boots off.  Another one climbs up his leg with the goal being to make it to the peak of Mt. Daddy where he can gloriously sit atop his head, perched like a bird. I am convinced that boys and men show love by wrestling.

But what is difficult for me is when the fun behavior goes from healthy… to rude and inconsiderate. And if you have boys you probably understand. We need wisdom to know the difference.

Self-control. Many boys lack it. Girls do too, but in boys it often manifests itself in rambunctious, impulsive and careless behavior, whereas in girls it shows itself more often in an abundance of tears, drama and foolish speech. These aren’t hard and fast rules. Just what I’ve generally observed in my own heart and in my family.

Boys are wired differently by God.  But sometimes it can be tricky trying to find the “off switch” on a boy once he gets wound up.

But the boy must find and eventually learn to operate the off switch himself. And while we do give grace as we consider a boy’s:

1.) age

2.) whether he is being provoked 

3.) whether lots of sugar and caffeine were recently ingested

4.) a disruption in schedule has occurred such as missing a nap or other regular routines

it is up to me, Mama, to help them learn a habit of self control, even in unusual circumstances. We can’t let the above be excuses for foolish and reckless behavior.  This is one of the reasons why some people don’t believe children are blessings.  When children are rude and out-of-control, who could blame the outsiders for their conclusion?

I pray that someday soon the Lord converts the souls of each of my boys, and then self-control will show itself as fruit of the Spirit of God. But it would be silly not to teach a child basic self-control until then. We can’t wink at sin and think “Oh it is a phase they will grow out of.” Or “He’s so young, what can you expect?” Or my favorite, “Boys will be boys!” and so forth.

We can’t fall into the trap of thinking little things don’t matter. They do matter. And boys won’t “grow out of it” or know better unless we teach them better. And you know what I’ve discovered? When I’m not intentionally teaching my children anything about character I am still teaching them by my lack of intervention. Habits are going to be formed whether we realize it or not.

5 Ways to Teach Self-Control to Boys

 1.) Teach them the scriptures

If the Word of God is loved and exalted in the home, and referred to often as our source of life, a boy will not be surprised to hear Mama quote him scripture about self-control…the blessings of possessing it and the consequences of not. A few are:

• A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Prov. 25:28

•  For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1:5-7

• He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray. Prov. 5:23

• So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.  But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Cor. 9:26-27

2.) Set Boundaries

This seems simplistic, but there have been times that my boys have done wacky things and when I talked to them about it, I realized they had no idea that they were behaving like overgrown chihuahuas.  I had failed to communicate with them clearly and respectfully instead of barking orders in the midst of a chaotic moment. Children can’t obey rules that they don’t know or understand.

Boys are usually louder, dirtier and just overall more wiggly than girls. My boys even sleep louder than their sisters.  But knowing this does not mean they can behave like hooligans whenever and wherever they want.

3.) Correction

When clear boundaries are violated or “house rules” are disobeyed, correct the child and/or give consequences. Don’t excuse the sin of reckless and foolish behavior.

Sin isn’t something to be taken lightly. (“Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright. Prov. 20:11) And our sons are fighting an enemy that thrives on hurting them. Satan will take every opportunity to devour them. A lack of self-control in a little boy will grow to a lack of self-control in a man. It will not go away on it ‘s own. That’s where a parent’s correction must come in.

Even quiet boys who are content to read all day can be lacking in the self-control that the Lord expects of his people. How is his attitude, his work habits, his speech? Self-control should be a quality especially taught in regards to speech. In fact, James 3 tells us that outward behavior is much easier to tame than the tongue. 

4.) Allow for a Spirit of Adventure

Yesterday morning as I was discussing with some of the younger children some verses from Proverbs, we examined a verse that used the word “despise.” I asked them all if they knew what that word meant. Sarah Grace (9) said, “I do. I despise mice. I also despise snakes.”  Then Stephen (7) adds, with just a touch of confusion in his voice, “I don’t like snakes, but I don’t despise them.  I get excited when I see one.”

Usually boys have a bolder, more adventurous spirit than girls–and we should encourage that.  We want our boys to be willing to kill snakes, we want them to be willing to take risks as men, we want them to stand up for truth like a man someday though they run the risk of hurt.  We would never want to confuse a spirit of adventurous masculinity for a lack of self control in little boys and try to squash it out. But often they go hand in hand in the younger years. That is why this is an area I especially pray for wisdom in–knowing when/how to help my sons use these adventurous and bold qualities in God-honoring ways that are considerate of others.

5.) Encourage, Encourage, Encourage

Encouraging words are so effective at fostering good behavior in boys. If “the fathers hearts are turned to the children and the children to the fathers” then an encouraging word from the one who holds the boy’s heart, is invaluable. But often I fear I miss great opportunities to encourage more of the good things I see. I think it is a good goal to try to give ten encouragements for every correction you have to give.

Because some children act in wild, rambunctious ways to try to gain attention from their parents. They figure negative attention is better than none at all. However, if we are encouraging, loving, cuddling our boys during other times in the day, we don’t have to wonder if this is only attention-seeking behavior. In fact, its safe to say that when a child, whether girl or boy, is repeatedly having character issues, give them more of yourself.

Only the Spirit of God in our sons’ lives can produce the genuine fruit of self-control. But we can help them until that point, learn habits of self-discipline.  Someday, by the grace of God, we pray our sons will say with Paul

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:11-12

(Originally published at In the Nursery of the Nation, February 2014)

Mamas are Like Farmers

Mamas are like farmers 🌾. In the little years we plow the field and plant the seeds and cut out (or uproot as the case may be) weeds and scare away crows, but we do not make the crop grow.

We can’t send the rain. We can’t make the sun shine. We can’t bring maturity to the hidden life of the seed. Only God does.

We have our part. But it is not controlling. There are times when crops fail, or seem to. There are lean seasons of the soul. There is always a lot of waiting.

What do we do while waiting? Psalm 40 says “I waited patiently for the Lord. He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog. He set my feet on a rock.”

The man after God’s own heart spent time in the miry bog. He spent time in a pit of destruction and he had no song in his mouth. And he waited. How did he wait? Patiently.

We don’t know how long David was there. How long did he wait and how long must we wait to see the fruit of labor that God will bring. What matters is what he did there. He couldn’t make anything happen and he waited in hope and trust. And God did come. He put David’s feet on a rock and a new song in his mouth.

Motherhood and the Implications of the Work Christ Has Finished

No matter what age you come to motherhood you probably want to nail this assignment.

You want to love your children and speak kindly to them and sacrifice your own desires for their needs and be wise in all things that concern them. You want to steward your authority well, and discipline them out of love and faithfulness. You never want to be a stone of stumbling in their growth and maturing in the Lord, but instead nourish all the good things he is doing in their souls. You want to be a truthful reflection of the love of Christ to them.

And yet.

We are met with constant provocation to do the opposite. We are continually chafed and irritated and provoked in various ways. And we are shocked at our tendency to anger and shocked at what comes from our mouths and grieved that laziness is always at the door knocking and we’re ashamed at how often we answer the call.

Tenderhearted mothers might be tempted to despair at their weakness and continual failing. And I’m not here to make you feel better about it because I’m not going to make myself feel better about it. It should grieve us. And it’s a sign of spiritual life that it does grieve us. Spiritually dead women aren’t concerned with their sin.

Praise God for the grace of repentance and new beginnings each day. Praise God for HELP from the spirit that enables us to pour out our lives as a drink offering on the altar of their faith. Praise God for forgiveness.

What I’ve come to understand more and more is that young moms need the scriptures to know the grace and mercy God gives in Christ, in order not to sink under the guilt. Older moms need the commands and expectations of scripture to keep us from complacency in parenting. (These are general observations not hard rules.)

But young mom or old, beginner or experienced, we need Christ to teach us humility. Christ’s life, death and resurrection have practical application to our lives in the sphere of motherhood.

We are free from guilt and condemnation because Christ has already been the perfect mom for us.

We are free to stop comparing ourselves with the strengths other moms possess because even if we had every single gift and talent of those around us, we still wouldn’t measure up. Yet Christ is all perfection and then lived it on our behalf.

We are free to look our sins of complacency and laziness in the face and not grow weary of fighting them but be renewed in the battle each day because Christ has already fought and won it for us. Now we fight them for obedience’s sake. “Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.”

We are free to stop working so hard to meet our own expectations but instead we follow. Following means someone else has the burden of leading. Following is still hard and it requires picking up our cross, but it is accomplished now with the Spirit’s help.

So when you look downstream from the life, death and resurrection of Christ you should see your freedom. Chains of sin have been removed. And downstream from freedom you see joy. And downstream from joy you will find abundant life splashing out around you and onto your family and others. This is how Christ’s work has a practical application to mothers who are both justified by faith in Christ and being sanctified by the Spirit.

Why We Need a Long, Broad View of Motherhood

A long and broad view of motherhood has never been more urgently needed.

The long view thinks past the days of pregnancy and potty training and piles of laundry and meal prep and weekly menus and household chores and the kids’ bedtimes and which books to read and when to read them.

It thinks past those {important} things to the ultimate thing: eternity. And thinking on eternity gives new meaning to the above list. It changes your motivation, it changes how you think about those tasks and their meaning and where they fit into the big picture of bringing glory to God and how we live in light of the cross.

The salvation and sanctification of our families are the ultimate goal of our motherhood and homemaking ministry. And it’s a goal that only God can achieve. Only he can give our kids a heart to love him. And in these dark days a truth I keep repeating to myself is that he will always preserve a remnant. A people set aside for himself.

But he calls us to participate in his work. Thus a mother’s job is obedience and faithfulness. He has called us to train them up in the way they should go. He has told us to redeem the time. The list above is part of that; like tiny drops of water in a deep well of eternity. But water nonetheless.

Diligence is the order of the day. And discipline to use time well. When our priority is to use time well because we know the effects our work has on eternity we do it heartily. We make a space that’s conducive to growing in knowledge and holiness. We feed and clean and wipe the hands and faces because God is growing the fruit of the Spirit in us, giving us ways to act in love, joy, peace, patience and kindness. And quietly yet deeply it impacts the hearts nearest us day after day.

“Spend your time in nothing which you know must be repented of; in nothing on which you might not pray for the blessing of God; in nothing which you could not review with a quiet conscience on your dying bed; in nothing which you might not safely and properly be found doing if death should surprise you in the act.”

Richard Baxter

Bride Meets Bridegroom

“Marriage is not a mere civil thing, but is partly spiritual and Divine, and therefore God alone has the power to appoint the beginning, the continuance, and the end thereof.” AW Pink

I am still too emotional to share many photos. Waffling between extreme joy and thanksgiving and sorrow that one of my best friends is gone. Also Steve has been sitting in Seth’s chair since Seth and Rachel were married, so the first vacant seat at the dinner table wasn’t felt too deeply until now. But for three nights we’ve had two empty chairs. And supper sure feels quiet. Two marriages in nine weeks. Glory to God.

How Kevin and I have prayed, and continue to pray, for spouses who love God and are bearing good fruit!! And he has answered in his perfect time!! And we trust him to continue providing for our yet unmarried children. And our “new kids” are not consolation prizes but are THE very great prizes that our whole family is gaining. It is just like our gracious God to bring to us what we didn’t even know we were missing, to give us MORE than we ask him for, to make us more like him. Rachel and now Steve, are already doing this.

Shelbi was by God’s grace the definition of a corner pillar in our home. She was a rock of faith and trust in God and a rock of loyalty to our family. When a corner pillar goes missing, the house feels wobbly. We are wobbly right now. And yet also in God’s grace and kindness the rest of us are already drawing a little closer together. Giving more hugs. Drying each others tears. Leaning into the sovereignty of God and each other. Processing the great loss with the great gain she and Steve are experiencing and thankful they will live within driving distance. And reminding ourselves she was never ours but God’s.

And this is where some of your eyes will glaze over but for my own memory’s sake and posterity’s sake I want to recount some of the ways the Lord helped us through something we’ve never been through before: the giving away of a daughter out of our home. Doubtless some will read this and not “get it” and wonder what the big deal is. But I want to be as the one leper who returned to give thanks and praise and not the nine who received what Christ had done and then moved on quickly. I pray each of the next six weddings for our daughters are as washed in the kindness and goodness of God as this one was. We should never doubt that God cares about the details of our lives, especially something as sacred as the first day of a marriage.

Hannah made Shelbi’s beautiful bouquet and she and Rachel gave me, Sarah and Savannah tons of help and advice on florals and by the time the wedding came around we were throwing together flower arrangements, corsages and boutonnières like some kind of flower ninjas 🙂 Kevin built the arbors and Hannah captured my vision for the chiffon and florals and just made it look beautiful. 

Allan Hubbard advised and worked the sound and was the picture of patience with our clueless selves for weeks. Refused to be paid. 

The week before the wedding Kevin and I shopped at Red River Landscaping and asked to rent some large pots of flowers. The day before the wedding I went to look again at the ones I’d picked and they had been sold. Instead there were more beautiful ones in their place. And Ross insisted we use them at no charge and generously insisted we fill up our trailer with all kinds of other beauties to borrow, him picking some out himself!! I rode home in tears at this kindness of God and with a renewed commitment to share with others what God has given to me when an opportunity comes!

The day before the wedding Kevin went to pick up the plain inexpensive white chairs we’d rented. But Paris Party Rental apologized profusely and said they’d made an error and gave us the most expensive chairs by mistake and did we mind? No extra charge.

A mom of many kids recently asked me about throwing a wedding while still caring for a baby/toddler. The key to this stress was my dear amazing friend Susan Young who sent her daughter Angie to keep Summer on Friday and Saturday. Angie was an indescribable blessing. I woke on Saturday at 4:30 am and Angie wasn’t far behind me asking what she could do to help. Not only did she keep Summer happy she brought me water and was armed with new Kleenex packages and even a new “Tide on the go pen” for stain emergencies. Lord let us all raise up daughters this intuitive and kind and dependable by age 15!

My mom and amazing Aunt Donna and Aunt Joanna catered and decorated the reception lunch, completely taking the reception from off my shoulders and making it possible for me to spend my time with Shelbi. But more than that they poured love and time into tiny details that most of us would never consider. They transformed our modest fellowship hall into something beautiful and elegant. Stacie was their hard working assistant to it all. My uncle Carlos Bodine built a cupcake tower that was four feet tall and ran wedding errands for us all constantly. Jim Brosch did the heavy lifting to enable my mom to make countless trips loading and unloading. A month before the wedding he landscape designed a new section of our flower beds at home and helped Kevin get a dry patch of dirt looking so beautiful. GraceLife Church brought enough fruit to the reception to feed an army ❤

My second cousin and church member Renee Russell spent hours baking dozens of cupcakes that were as beautiful as they were delicious (the INSIDE had filling, yall.) I would challenge any bakery in town to do better. And I just heard that Sonya Daughtery housed cupcakes in her fridge til the day of the wedding. Cupcakes were all over town! 

The cleaning up was filled with tired but joyful people…the Young kids singing as they vacuumed?! I am still in awe. The Turpins and Holts worked tirelessly; I arrived home to find my dear Staci picking up trash out of my yard. Their boys were helping too.

Ron Wahlquist who greeted and directed guests (ALWAYS the most gracious man for any job), my brother Roy who is so wedding savvy spotted last minute potential probs and fixed them for us and passed out water to guests, Seth who did music and a lot of last minute details, my dear Rachel Moore who labeled food items, painted signs and chalkboards, fixed our hair and dressed the flower girls, and hand sewed a detail onto Shelbi’s dress at the last minute. Sherry Moore who served, Susan Simpson who came early to find every detail that might fall through the cracks and fix it, my dear mother in law Carolyn who baked amazing pies and stayed on her feet for hours cleaning up. For Michele Greene who helped coordinate the schedule and who had the wits to gather the grandmothers before Shelbi walked out for a time of prayer. Susan and Jeff Young who packed up chairs and cleaned up and above all just stood shoulder to shoulder with us offering their love, prayer and support since they just gave away a daughter a few months ago and knew the ropes of this emotional time. I might have ugly cried on Susan a time or two. Levi, Shane and Rusty who stood in the heat and helped get people parked. The scads of gracious encouraging guests and friends who brought so many gifts we couldn’t even find enough room for them!

Savannah and Sarah worked tirelessly for weeks to make the wedding beautiful for Shelbi and Steve doing whatever needed to be done and have overall just put up with their Mama giving them unending jobs. Rachel Greene who was our photographer but more importantly our friend and sister in Christ. Which brings a host of blessings on such a day as this to have someone who loves you taking photos during a vulnerable time! John Greene whose words and prayers were so perfect. And I know I risk forgetting people because there were so many behind the scenes. My mom tells me even my Shiloh (10) would appear out of nowhere at the reception to take dishes from her hands.

And lastly Shelbi and Steve who just wanted to be married ❤ Who were beyond easy to please and just thankful and incredibly sensitive to costs and had no major wishes or expectations beyond wanting an outdoor ceremony.

So the tears flow hard when I think of all the tangible ways Shelbi and Steve were loved by church, family and friends, God was glorified and so many people came together on a hot morning on a little street in Nowhere Texas to honor the sanctity of biblical marriage and the JOY and thanksgiving of what God has done in bringing these two amazing people together. So many people commented on the love and grace of our church family which just made me want to burst because they are indeed so wonderful and love each other so well. I love you New Hope, so very dearly. I love you Shelbi and my son-in-love, Steve. You have both blessed so many others while single, and on this day you did it again, as a one flesh picture of Christ and his Bride.

John 13:35
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”